2000 Volvo C70 Base Convertible 2-Door 2.4L

2000 Volvo C70 Base Convertible 2-Door Description

Hey, we all know how online auctions bring out the best and worst in human nature. The previous high bidder is a study in contrasts. He was super-attentive at the end of the auction - sitting at his computer... waiting, waiting, waiting to snipe a bid at the last possible second... then when he finally won the auction, he must have been so overjoyed that he was incapacitated (heart attack? stroke? mumps?) and unable to respond to any messages about actually following through on his commitment. He has been BLOCKED from this auction, and now here we go again...

Up for sale is a 2000 Volvo C70 Convertible.

Let’s be honest. We’re on eBay looking for a “bargain.” We’re here to roll the dice - take a chance on something - play a game of Russian roulette without risking our facial bones and cartilage. Nothing epitomizes this thrill seeking behavior like a Y2K Volvo convertible.

First of all, let’s get this out of the way up front: I don’t think this is a great car. Look at the Carfax - TOTAL LOSS REPORTED sometime back in 2011. It’s had about 10 owners. It probably feels unloved and some kind of car shame. Old Sven couldn’t ever live up to his “far’s” expectations (far = Swedish for father). But maybe things will be different with you. Maybe you are the person willing to give this little friend-of-Ikea a chance?

Here’s what is good about the car: it runs and drives, hasn’t overheated on me, has A/C that blows cold, headlights and taillights that light up and a radio that plays music. I don’t feel any funkyness in the transmission. I don’t see any smoke out the tailpipe, and when I remove the oil filler cap and place a rubber glove over it, it gets sucked in nicely, suggesting the PCV system isn’t gummed up. It has been parked in my garage for a while and I don’t see any stains on the floor. The throttle responds appropriately and isn’t showing signs of the ETM issue that this model year is known for (though know that this issue almost always shows up on these cars). It only has 110,000 miles - practically just getting broken in. For reference, my ’95 850 has over 350,000 miles on the same hunk of aluminum.

Here’s something too: none of the warning lights on the dashboard are on. I was shocked. Each one lights up when you start the car, but then they all go out - like they are supposed to. No check engine, no SRS, no ABS. Pretty sweet right? Nothing says “good bye $800” like a freaking Volvo check engine light. It also passed PA state inspection last year, though that lapsed in March.

What isn’t so good? Let me list the problems that I know about. First, the convertible top needs to be reprogrammed. It has a new motor ($600), but the computer needs synced up to enable it to open and close electronically. My indy mechanic doesn’t have the tool to do it (VIDA), and the Volvo dealer around here charges so much that I am almost certain he swims around in a giant pool of money like Scrooge McDuck. Until you get the programming updated, it beeps the whole time you drive. Like an annoying little bird.

The button that controls the rear window from the driver’s seat doesn’t really work. There is a button that puts down all the windows - that works, so the window motor and regulator seem to be fine, but the button that controls the individual window is not functioning. No owner’s manual. No spare key.

When I turn the wheels to the far left or right, there is a slight rubbing. I have been told that this is typical for these cars and that sometimes people adjust the steering stops (but lose their turning radius). I don’t know how true this is, but I tend to believe it more than I believe in bigfoot. Also, this is not a problem with THIS car per se, but the C70 may have the worst turning radius I have ever seen - I think it is in excess of 50 ft. Going to a drive thru is embarrassing, but that’s okay since we’re all trying to cut down on trans fats anyway. Don’t even think about trying your luck in a parking garage with a spiral ramp.

The paint has scratches and chips and some crazing and fading on the bumpers. The leather seats have some small tears and cracking. See the pictures.

If you crawl under the car, you can see that the spare tire compartment under the trunk has some deformation and two of the plastic trim pieces at the rear are held on by screws. This was probably where the car took the brunt of the hit that resulted in the TOTAL LOSS REPORTED. But, that was 20,000 miles and 5 years ago. Despite that, the car is still going and going and going. Imagine if the Energizer bunny took a sizable impact to the rear and then just kept on beating that drum. That’s what we have here.

Hah. Impact to the rear. Gross.

Finally, there are NO service records for this car. I don’t know if it had the timing belt changed at 10 years / 105,000 miles like it was supposed to. I don’t know if it had the big Volvo 90,000 mile service like it was supposed to. I don’t know when the brakes were last replaced or the coolant was last flushed, or when the aftermarket battery was put in the engine compartment. On the plus side, you can imagine your own history for this car - I like to think that maybe it was owned by Martha Stewart before she did time in the pen, and still carries around some homemade potpourri that she whipped up on a breezy summer afternoon. If you inhale deeply, you can almost smell it…

Even though the insurance company totaled the car, this STILL has a clean title. Not rebuilt - not reconstructed - not salvage. Just a plain jane PA title that was issued well after the accident. When I Googled, VA has some complicated rules for branding, that lead me to believe the damage from the accident wasn’t that bad, but I DON’T REALLY KNOW. In 2011, I was living in Florida, hundreds of miles away from this car and whatever went down. I heard Tupac was spotted alive in VA back then. Did he cause the accident? Was he just a hologram? Who can say for sure, but we all know he’s still alive out there somewhere, right?

What is my story with this car? Honestly, I saw it on craigslist. Brought it home, and immediately had my dearly beloved tell me that she was NOT OKAY WITH ME BRINGING ANOTHER F-ING VOLVO HOME. THE GARAGE IS FILLED. THE YARD IS STARTING TO RESEMBLE A JUNKYARD. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE SHE WANTED AND IF I DON’T GET RID OF IT SHE IS GOING TO MOVE BACK IN WITH HER PARENTS. To be fair, the car thing has gotten excessive. When you’re searching “trade for Geo Metro” on craigslist, you know you have a problem. Plus, this thing (the car, not my wife) was known for body roll when it was new, and it is not much fun to take out on the twisties.

Who is this car good for? I’m not really sure, but I can think of a few scenarios:

#1: You are a middle aged married man, having some troubles with the wife. You’re looking for a project that will get you out of the house and away from from the sound of her screeching. Park this in the (detached) garage - or maybe rent a space a few miles away - and you’ll be able to tackle problems every evening for the next decade and forget that shrill voice nagging you to take out the garbage or do the dishes. When you’re wrenching on this sweet piece of Swedish engineering, you can pretend that you ran away with your high school sweetheart, instead of ducking out when the going got tough. I wonder who she ended up with anyway?

#2: You’re kind of a scummy guy who runs a Buy Here, Pay Here lot. Sure, you might tell yourself that you are doing the Lord’s work by giving people a chance to buy cars without credit, but we all know a 40% APR is much more Lucifer than Jesus. You just know those dummies are going to love a EUROPEAN convertible with a CLEAN TITLE and they won’t have the $39.99 it takes to run a Carfax report. Buy this at a bargain price online, and flip it later making a tidy nickel in the process. Hope you can sleep well at night, you horrible piece of garbage.

#3: You’re a solid middle manager for a large corporation. You finally found yourself a mistress, and man is it awful. Not only do you have a wife who wants attention, but now essentially there’s another mouth to feed combined with the stress of living a double life. After YET ANOTHER expensive dinner two towns over, you find out that your piece of arm candy wants a convertible, AND she wants you to say you love her. The problem is you don’t really love her. She’s kind of a drain on your resources and happiness, and it seems like the “right kind of crazy” quickly became the “wrong kind of clingy.” Get her this car to send the mixed signal you’ve always wanted to send.

This is a CHEAP Volvo convertible that runs and drives. Give it some TLC and maybe it will treat you well. Worst case scenario, it’s still a Volvo so even if everything goes wrong, it probably isn’t going to kill you. No reserve because sometimes you’ve just got to take a chance.

CAR IS SOLD AS IS. Ask questions and I will do my best to answer. I am not a mechanic. You must arrange for transportation from my garage in Pittsburgh though I will use my AAA tow for up to 100 miles to meet you somewhere. Come over to check it out or pay for one of those services to have a look. I’ll make sure to make it available.

Non-refundable deposit due of $250 due within 48 hrs of auction closing via PayPal. Full payment must be made within 7 days - also via PayPal.

Addendum: if you don't want to buy the car, DON'T BID ON IT. SERIOUSLY. If I wanted to waste my time, I'd go volunteer for the Trump campaign.

Just kidding.

He has a shot at winning?